WeedInFocus
Sep 15, 2016 9:25 AM

13 Types of Cannabis Users

Sooner or later, we all start to classify our friends in one or another category. That is why we have decided to try to find what types of cannabis users there are. Some types can be met frequently, others are rare, some types are cool people, while others you would prefer to avoid.

Let us see if you can recognize any of your friends in these types, or maybe, you can even find yourself.

The quitter

If you offer a joint to this guy, he will probably say “Man, I do not smoke” but will grab the weed anyway. He always tries to quit either drinking alcohol, or smoking tobacco, or even eating meat and wants to start a “brand new healthy life,” but for one or another reason, he always fails.

The cool stoner chick

This is the girl that always looks amazing, knows plenty of jokes, and is always easy to talk to. Usually, she works at some really nice job where the attitude to cannabis is positive. She can even work at the best dispensary in town. The cool stoner chick knows lots of useful people, and all of them consider her a wonderful friend. Moreover, most men would not mind dating her, but such girls are always taken. The stoner chick has her own stash and carries a modern “arty” pipe in her handbag, and the way she smokes weed is pure elegance.

The true stoner

This guy is a nice lad who always has weed to smoke and share with friends. He has a good job, and according to his words, all his colleges are also cannabis users, including the department manager. The true stoner calls his friends to visit him at home where he organizes a party with a big bowl of weed just because he wants to spend a nice time with nice people. This guy usually dates the cool stoner chick.

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The experienced old stoner

This man has got white hair and wears a plaid shirt. He knows hundreds of stories about weed and stoners, and remembering “the good old days” is one of his favorite topics. The experienced old stoner can tell you about crazy days in the seventies, and you can expect hearing about him attending all the biggest music festivals back when he was young. These days, he can also go for a festival, but only if he does not need to travel far away. The experienced old stoner knows lots of ways to roll a joint. He does not care much about choosing strains, as he is sure that back in his days, weed was much better anyway.

The loafer

No one knows how this guy appeared in your company, but somehow, he is always somewhere around when you have weed. He always asks someone for a joint and does it so naturally and almost innocently that people indeed share their weed with him. However, he never does the same in return simply because he never has his own weed. You can often spot the loafer in big companies hanging out in someone's apartment, in a bar, or even at birthday parties. No one knows what this guy actually does for life and where he lives.

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The paranoid smoker

This guy worries non-stop every time you see him. All his stories are about him being caught while he was smoking or when he was high. And even when he tells these stories, he is constantly looking around as if he is waiting for a police squad to come after him. No matter how often you tell him “relax, man,” the paranoid smoker will always be antsy and smoke his joints way too fast.

The artist

The artist does not consider himself a cannabis user, he assures everyone that he needs weed only for inspiration. He cannot create whatever he is working on without a joint, but once he is high, he is too relaxed to do anything.

The connoisseur

The connoisseur knows everything about medical marijuana. He can tell you everything about the latest studies and assures you that weed can cure absolutely everything. He is alive and healthy, and he owes it to the fact that he has smoked weed since he was sixteen. The connoisseur is always sure that the strain he smokes is the best and can tell you all the disadvantages of the weed you chose. He can also give you one thousand pieces of advice on how to grow weed, but he has never tried it himself.

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The sporty stoner

This guy is always on the run. Whether he is on his way to the gym or holding his longboard, he does not mind smoking joints. The sporty stoner believes that cannabis is necessary for building muscles and burning fat. He also believes that a good joint makes any kind of sports better. You can spot this guy playing basketball, preparing for running a marathon, or racing with his skater friends. It looks like his energy comes only from cannabis, water, and random junk food.

The newb

All of us used to be newbies, that is why it is so fun to invite him into the company. The newb gets high very quickly, just after a couple of puffs. Then, he starts to behave very weirdly, telling everyone absolutely absurd stories, laughing at such ordinary things as a teaspoon or his own socks, and saying non-stop “I am so happy to be here, guys, you all are so cool, guys.” The newbie cannot spot the difference between the strains, so even if you give him the weakest weed ever, he will tell you that it is “really good stuff.” The newbie is a funny guy, and people like to have him around.

The philosopher

Right after the second hit, the philosopher starts his non-stop monolog of “what if” and “I wonder how.” He analyzes all the current problems, including “why these two should get divorced” and “how to solve the global warming problem.” In the worst cases, the philosopher starts talking about politics. The good thing is, this guy always has topics to discuss, the bad thing—he mostly discusses them with himself.

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The rasta

You have never seen the rasta sober, and you have no idea where he gets his weed from. The rasta looks like he never goes anywhere, does not buy anything, and all he does during the day is just smoke weed and talk to occasional companions. It is difficult to get the rasta's jokes unless you are as high as he is. This guy usually has such strong weed that even the smoke he exhales can make you high.

The retiree

This guy has been waiting for this time all his life. He is retired, the children have grown up, the stressful life is in the past. The retiree sits in a comfortable chair in front of his house, looks at everyone who passes by, and slowly smokes his joint.

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